Exclusive early release of the prologue of Sin & Salvation

I'm so excited to finally drop this to you all. ARCS go out in a couple weeks so I hope this gets you even more excited about the book. We're almost there babes!

Your mental health matters. Please review the following trigger warnings and make sure you’re in a good head space before reading.

 

The trigger warnings in this book include but are not limited to:

Explicit sex scenes, explicit blood and violence descriptions, demons, witchcraft, wild animal death, gang violence, knife play, family physical abuse/abandonment, paranormal encounters

 

Prologue

                    

“Dismissed.” The bang of the gavel slammed, shredding the remaining remnants of my black soul.

Miguel, my fellow “brother” in the cartel, avoided my eye as he stepped off the witness stand. How fitting. Rats who betrayed their brothers by working with the FBI only knew how to scurry with their noses down before they ran back to the sewer. I spat in his shadow and screamed out my agony until my raw throat threatened to close.

The same man who saved me from my first stint in jail now sealed my fate for a worse round. The brother I bled with and killed with…the man who beat it into me that own took care of own…escaped hell while leaving me in the pit of it.

With all my energy spent, I hung my head on the walk to the holding cell. Ten years of my life gone and for what? Loyalty to my family? Loyalty to a bunch of brothers who sold me out? All because I chose to put up with violence, fear, and constant belittlement from a drug lord and my superiors? 

Those questions haunted me, reminding me of my fate and future. It was hopeless. There was nothing to live for besides blood and who knew how long I had left to bathe in it. 

Thirty days into my ten-year stint was enough. It was time to seal my own fate instead of letting others decide it for me. Besides, it was only a matter of time before they hired someone to come for me, and it wasn’t going to be a painless end when they did.

My fingers dug around until they found my makeshift shiv, a simple razor blade attached to a toothbrush, under my mattress. Another inmate spread it around that they were going to skip inspections today due to being short staffed, allowing me to keep it hidden from the guards. Between that and my bunkmates release three days ago; I had my confirmation. The devil gave me my timeslot to do this alone, and I hated him for it.  

The main lights flickered out, leaving me with a final lullaby of random clinks of iron, hushed whispers, and the incessant buzzing from the low luminescent lighting. The guard in charge of three other floors tonight along with mine passed by silently, not even bothering to check the cells. I’d clocked him each time he’d walked through my hallway tonight and measured the five hundred seconds it took him to finish my floor before he moved onto the next one. 

My chest rose with a deep breath as I prayed to whatever force lay out there to spare me the worst punishment in hell. I was certain the deities wouldn’t care about a criminal like me, but it was worth a shot.

My thumb and forefinger firmly gripped the shiv. I pressed the razor tip into the soft underside of my wrist, leveraging it deep. The sharp, painful bite elicited a small contraction in my rigid jaw as I dragged it across to the other side of my forearm, but I’d had worse. Warm blood bubbled before bursting and trickled over the edge of the skin flap, morphing into a steady flow. With the tendons only half-severed, I grabbed the toothbrush with my now weakened hand and moved to my other arm before I lost the ability to finish my task. Crimson droplets dotted my other forearm as I pressed in as deep as I could manage on my other wrist. An internal rubber band snap resounded in my ears as each tendon severed and released. My fingers went slack—their source of mobility cut.

My back settled against the bunk frame as my legs straightened and embraced the cool floor. Breathing steadily, I leaned my neck on the mattress edge and closed my eyes. I reveled in the warmth escaping my wrists as an icy tingle settled in my arms and traveled its way up to my neck and down my body. A heaviness began to settle on my chest as canals of my warm blood cooled on the floor around my fingertips. The ambient sounds of my environment flowed back to me as the world slipped away. My lips upturned into a small smile as the drumbeats of my heart slowed. I was finally going to have some semblance of peace, even if only in the small time before I faced the devil or whatever hell waited for me in the afterlife. 

A shout echoed from afar, through the fog. Iron bars slammed with a metallic crack either open or closed. At this point, I couldn’t tell as the noises around me became distorted.

A hot touch gripped my chilled wrists. Was this what it felt like when they came to take you? I thought I’d feel less physically. I wish whoever was shouting would shut the fuck up so I could enjoy my last moments of peace. But I should’ve known…I didn’t deserve peace.

Ghost taps tickled my cheeks, stirring me from the darkness. The deadweight of my head pulled to the side as the rest of my leadened limbs laid anchored. It was colder than I thought it’d be in hell. My eyelids fluttered involuntarily as a bright light disturbed my blurry vision. Were the demons inspecting me? Had I passed over?

Hushed voices weaved their way to wherever I was.

“He’s stable now. The release papers will have the instructions on what to do. Make sure the bandages on his wrists are changed daily no matter what and he’s given the penicillin to prevent infection. The razor he used was incredibly rusty, so I gave him a tetanus shot while he was down. He’s to stay overnight and then be released tomorrow. He will be required to wear the anti-suicide smock and on suicide watch for the next seventy-two hours.” The woman read everything like instructions out of a handbook. 

Fuck.

She had to be a nurse, which meant my attempt was unsuccessful. I was still fucking alive. How the hell did this happen? God, this recovery was going to suck. Not to mention, I’d seen those fucking smocks. They looked uncomfortable as hell, and I’d have to be helped like a child for three fucking days.

Fuck. 

“Has he ever attempted before? Were there signs he was going to? How’d he get the tool to do it?”

The nurse barked questions with no empathy to be found. But I supposed I was just another lawless inmate she had to deal with. She probably saw this all the time.

“No. No. And who knows. These guys get creative. We didn’t do inspections tonight because we were short staffed. He’s either insanely smart to have realized that or he got lucky…or rather, unlucky I guess,” the man mumbled, trailing off on the last words. 

My bones ached with brittle vulnerability, and my skull pounded with such force my eyeballs pulsed out of their sockets. Not to mention my right hand still couldn’t do shit on its own, leaving me even more helpless until the fucking tendons were stitched back together. I wouldn’t have tried to end it all if I knew I was going to make it. My body felt beat to shit.

A leaner guard with light brown hair jerked my body roughly into the smock before leading me to the suicide watch holding cell.

“I know shit seems bad man. But it’s never this bad. You’re so young, my guy.”

“What the hell do you know about it?” I retorted, staring at our feet as we stopped in front of the cell.

“Well first off, I was the one who found you. So…you’re welcome.”

“I didn’t ask to be saved,” I spat, turning my gaze away as he veered his down to try and meet it.

The metal door creaked open as he walked me in and sat me down on the bed. I kept my focus on the floor as military-grade combat boots stepped in front of me and stopped. They shone so much without a trace of filth on them, I could about see my reflection in them.

“You’ve got ten years, man. Ten years to get yourself together and that’s if they don’t get you out on early release for good behavior.” He paused and clicked his tongue. “I remember you from before—”

“What do you mean you remember me from before?” My focus transferred to the pink stains on my bandaged wrists to distract myself from this conversation.

“Last time you were incarcerated here I saw you around. Back then you walked around like you owned the place all smug and shit, but you’ve changed. There’s something different in your eyes now. I don’t know what broke you, but I believe you being back in here is for the better.”

He squatted down and rested his elbows on his thighs.

“Now…you’ve got a choice to make. Are you going to let whatever broke you break you completely and give up, not even giving your life a chance? Or are you going to buck up, gain courage to take on this harsh world, and make it better?”

“There’s too much sin in me for this world. I can’t make it better,” I mumbled, avoiding his gaze.

“Look at me.”

I slowly rotated my head from left to right in refusal. I knew if I confronted him then I’d have to face myself, and I wasn’t ready for that. 

“Leondro,” he snapped when I didn’t listen to him.

He clapped his hands so close to my nose a breeze flicked over my skin. My neck retracted backwards in surprise, forcing me to meet his stare.

“You’re going to tell me right now what choice you’re going to make. Are you going to turn your life around and make something of yourself? Or are you going to let the world and the people who were fine to let you rot in here decide your fate? You are responsible for this life, Leondro. You are the one who was given this chance to wipe their slate clean. This,” he pushed his finger into the smock on my chest, “your life. Your future. Your path. It’s all in your control.” His deep blue crystal eyes, full of sadness and determination, poured into me like a part of me was worth saving.

Steady heartbeats pulsed in my bandaged wrists as I reflected on the path I chose the night before. My defenses shot high from the sudden dip in vulnerability. Usually, my interactions with prison guards were tense and aggressive. Maybe this was all some fucking game to him to use against me later on.

“Why do you fucking care?” I snarled, baring my teeth.

“I care because I see the good in you, Leondro.” His soft tone didn’t rise to my aggressive challenge, but I kept trying. If I got a rise out of him, then I could get him to slip his plan to me about what he was going to use me for.

“How? You don’t fucking know me,” I snapped.

“Because I’ve known someone like you.” A tender grin broke through as he clasped his fingers together.

“It doesn’t matter what I choose anyways. Whether it be out there or in here, they’re going to come after me. I’ve already seen some of my enemies here who I know are in contact with the outside. They’ll take the price on my head in a heartbeat. Even if I do make it my whole sentence, as soon as I get out, I’m dead. So, what’s the point?”

“Who’s going to come after you in here?” he inquired with a raised eyebrow.

“I ain’t a fucking snitch,” I spat.

“Fair enough.” He raised his hands in surrender.

We stared at each other in silence, analyzing each other’s intentions and next moves. He finally looked away, his brows furrowing for a moment before he stood up.

“I’ll make sure you’re watched over. I’m stuck in this job for a while anyways, so I’ll be here, regardless.”

Why the hell did this random ass guard care about me? It made no sense. I’d done nothing for this man, yet he was willing to risk his career for me? If he got caught helping me or showing me favoritism, he’d be fired. Something was off.

“Why? Why would you risk your neck for me like this? You don’t know me, and I’ve done nothing to deserve it.”

“Because…” He hesitated, focusing on his feet before meeting my gaze once more. “You remind me of my little brother.”

Well, I wasn’t expecting that.

Taken aback, I kept silent. My gaze roved over him to pick up on any act of betrayal or trickery, but all I could sense was sincerity. 

“My little brother was killed soon after he decided to turn his own life around. I’d been begging him for months to stop dealing drugs after I found out what he’d gotten into. Once he got in deeper and the violence worsened, he finally started listening to me…but…” He took a deep breath and settled his hands on his hips like he was recalling a painful memory. “He wanted to be better for his girlfriend and their daughter, due later that year. He wanted to keep them safe and give her a father who was honorable and good. They were good people…” His lips and eyebrows bunched together in visible affliction as wetness glossed his blue eyes. 

“My brother and his family made a plan to run away after his last drug deal. I begged them to use my police force protection, but they worried it was too risky. That someone would find out and accuse them of treachery, putting all their lives in danger or that he’d get charged for everything and be ripped away from his family. Unfortunately, in the end it didn’t matter. Someone spread a rumor saying he’d stolen drugs from his supplier and was going to start selling on his own. They even went so far as to plant a crazy amount of drugs at his house the night they killed them to prove the rumors were true.”

A deep burn spread into my throat and jaw that I hadn’t felt since I was a boy. I clenched my teeth together to keep my expression plain, concealing any weakness. 

“His gang ripped their bodies apart and left them like trash to find, not even caring she was pregnant. They were dead for days when I found them. Parts of their insides were pinned to the walls as decorations. We couldn’t even ID them properly because their bodies were cut up and mutilated so badly. Even the fingers we found had their fingerprints cut off. All we had to go on was bits of their clothing.” Tears dripped down his rosy cheeks as his gaze left mine.

I sat stunned and quiet. Some innate sense within me wanted to comfort him but my binds and reservations kept me still. 

“I’m sorry,” was all I could think to utter.

His thumb swiped under his eyes as he smirked down at me. I couldn’t remember the last time someone looked at me that way. Like I mattered. And just like that, a small light of hope cracked within me through the blackened abyss. 

“I’m sorry too. I’m also sorry I’m being so unprofessional and laying this all on you. I just…you and my brother have very similar mannerisms, and your eyes… it’s like I’m looking into his again. That same honey brown...” He coughed, looking away and brushed his fingers through his short brown hair. “Anyways. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but that’s the reason I want to help you. I just know in my gut you’ve got good things in store for you. I don’t want you to give up.”

He took a step back and folded his arms together like he was sizing me up. 

“So, what’s your choice? And I’m assuming by your nature you’re a man of your word, so you have to keep it once you say it out loud.” 

A man of my word...

How sneaky of him to use it as a threat like he wasn’t going to let me fall back into my old ways even if I tried to.

“I choose life.” It came out in a reluctant whisper, like it was against my will, but a bit of hope spread through my chest at the words.

“What kind of life?” He beamed, pushing me on. 

“One that matters. One that can make a difference,” I mumbled, discomfort creeping up again.

“I can’t wait to see what you do,” he said, grinning and nodding in approval. “Oh, I’m John, by the way. Just make sure you don’t call me by my first name unless we’re alone, alright? Officer Mullick is what you’ll have to use in public.”

An unexplainable lightness blanketed over me, wrapping me in an embrace under the smock. Dare I allow myself to hope I could have something to live for?

“There it is,” he said, pushing his chest out and pointing his index finger at me.

“What?”

“A light. I believe I just saw a flicker of it in your eyes.”